CRHP and Church

This past March I went on a retreat called Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP) which we call chirp despite the fact that some of the letters in the abbreviation are switched. It was a wonderful weekend meeting new women, getting to know more about women I already knew and learning more about my faith. It was an amazing, eye opening experience for me

CRHP renewed my faith and I found something that I didn't know was missing. Actually I did know but I was too lazy to get out of bed on Sunday mornings and head to church. But going to the retreat wasn't the end. It was now up to me to read my bible, pray daily, and hardest of all attend church every Sunday (if not more.) It was up to me to be strong and not fall back into old habits.

I had attended mass at St. Patricks Cathedral in downtown Fort Worth sporadically over the past couple of years but never committed. After CRHP I decided to head back to St. Patricks and give it another shot. Well God knew what I needed to hear because the sermon that day was amazing. It seemed like it was meant just for me. And I went the next week and once again an great message. This was going to be easy.

Then the sermons weren't as great and didn't seem to affect me the way they had in the beginning. I continued to attend but I had kinda hit a plateau in my faith again. Then in August St. Patrick's announced that we were getting a new rector. Father Joseph Pemberton gave his first sermon and it was awesome. He was so down to earth, passionate, and honest. He didn't stand behind the pulpit and lecture, he came down to the people like a conversation. He reminds me so much of Father John in Ennis. It seemed like just when I was hitting a low point God stepped in to keep me on track. Father Pemberton was just the boost I (and the parish) needed. I look forward to hearing his sermons each week and am considering becoming a lector like I did in high school. Awesome I have found a church of my own!!

But it gets better! These past 6 months I have continued the CRHP process and we put our retreat on at the end of August. Once again it was an amazing experience. I got to meet more women and got to renew my faith again. During the retreat I gave a talk and I talked about my struggles with finding a church that I like in my area. I like St. Patricks and think Father Pemberton is awesome but I wish there was a church that was more convenient to where we live. I tried to remember that sometimes this journey isn't easy and I just need to suck it up and drive the 30 minutes each way.

The following Monday I was driving down a side street near our house and there was a sign that says "Future home of St. Thomas the Apostle Catholic Church." Are you kidding me?!!! Talk about answering prayers. This church is right next to the middle school in our neighborhood. I could probably walk there in 5 minutes and drive there in 1 minute. Once again God has stepped in.I can't wait for the new church to be built. Right now it is an empty pasture with no activity or signs of future activity. I am not sure when it will be complete but the fact that there will be a church that close and convenient is awesome. I know that our lives will only get busier as we have kids and once again I feel like God is giving me a way to keep my faith and not falter. Of course now I really enjoy Father Pemberton at St. Patricks and by the time St. Thomas is done I may not want to leave but I love having the option and opportunity. I am also secretly (or not so secretly) hoping that they will add a school to the parish because I would love to be able to give our kids a Catholic education. We will see what happens but I feel like the future looks bright!

I share this story with you not to brag but to just share my journey. It is so easy to fall into a routine. My routine was sleeping in on Sundays and only asking for God's help when I needed something. I had the excuse that no church was like St. John's, that I didn't want to go by myself, it was too far, I didn't know the songs. My list was really long. Ask my mom and dad, I am awesome at coming up with excuses which I call justification. They once thought I should be a lawyer because I don't just tell you my stance, I tell you why. I didn't just not go to church, I had good reasons (excuses) for not going.

I am truly blessed by God and I am excited to continue on this journey. It is not over and it may not always be easy, but God has taken away all of my excuses and now it is up to me.

Dealing

Lately people have told me that I dealt with my miscarriage so well. It breaks my heart to hear that. No one means anything by it. They aren't trying to be mean. They probably just don't know what else to say. But 'dealt' implies that it is over. It isn't over. I 'deal' with my miscarriage everyday. It will always be a part of me. It isn't a cold that I can take medicine for and eventually it is gone.


I would be 14 weeks pregnant today. And I think about that every day. I think about seeing our baby's heartbeat on a sonogram. I think about what foods I wouldn't like or which ones I would crave. I think about how much weight I would have gained. I think about if I would have a baby bump and how my body would have changed. I think about picking out a crib, car seat, bedding, and clothes. I think about finding out the gender of our baby. I think about how excited I would be to feel our baby inside me. I think about Kyle being able to feel the baby. I think about going through all of these things with Kyle. And not just Kyle but also sharing all of this with family and friends. I think about it all. My imagination runs wild.


I realize that this miscarriage isn't the end for me. I know that Kyle and I will have a baby at some point. I know that. I know that I will get to experience all of those things some day. But more than anything I wish I was experiencing them for the last 14 weeks and then next 26 weeks. I wish I was bringing a baby into this world on March 14, 2011.


I don't need people to tell me that everything will be okay, that it wasn't meant to be, that it will happen when God is ready, it just wasn't the right time, to relax, or that it will happen when I least expect it. I don't need people to feel sorry for me. I don't need people to protect me. Again I realize that people only said these things because they didn't know what else to say. And I am not angry at anyone for their attempts at comforting me. But those words don't make me feel better. To be honest it doesn't matter what you say because it is just a sucky situation.


I do need people to give me a hug when I am crying. Let me vent on the phone and ramble when I need to. Let me be jealous of those who are pregnant not because I feel ill will to them but that I am sad for myself. Let me talk about it when I can and understand when I can't.


I have my good days and bad. I think about my lost baby everyday. I think of what could have been and what isn't.


I am not over it, but I am dealing...

Long time no post!!

I am going to try to get back to posting at least once a week. It has been 4 months since I posted last so there is a lot to catch up on.

Upcoming posts will include-
NYC trip with pics
Brianna's wedding
Mary's Bauman's Wedding in Houston
Melisa's Wedding
Family Reunion in Arkansas
And whatever else I can think of

But for today I will talk about the wildlife in my neighborhood!

Kyle and I have lived in our house for almost 2 years (as of Labor Day Weekend). Soon after we moved in we saw deer in the green belt (undeveloped land) behind our house. It was so fun and I loved the idea of feeling like I was in the country despite living in Fort Worth city limits. Then we saw a coyote once and a wild hog. We even came across a black widow which was not so cool!!

Then we had field mice in our house and what an adventure that was. Kyle wanted to be humane and catch them and release them into the wild. Despite the fact that "the wild" was just over our fence in the green belt. He finally caught one and even named him (or her) Frank before taking him about 2 miles away and releasing him. Unfortunately that wasn't the only field mouse and Kyle got tired of them and resorted to traps and poison. So much for being humane!

But that isn't all! We have some new animals to add to the list.

In May, Melisa and I were headed down Huffines road and something caught our eye. It was a SNAKE! It stretched the entire width of the lane which I don't know how long that is but I bet Kyle would know (Former Mr. City of Hurst street crew!). Melisa was so shocked that she swerved. Why would she do that? I don't know. I would have ran that thing over. I wouldn't even think about what it would do to my car (which is probably why I shouldn't get a nice car after the neon.) I just wanted that thing dead! Sure enough a couple of days later Kyle saw it in the road again. I like to think it was the same one and not another HUGE snake!

That brings me to yesterday. I was heading out to run errands and I saw what looked like a dog in the road but it resembled a cat. It was a cat. A BOBCAT!!!! Luckily it had been hit by a car (not mine) and it was dead. I was shocked. I saw it again on the way back. Some people had stopped and pulled the animal into the ditch so that people wouldn't continue to run over it.

When I got home I told Kyle all about it and was freaked out. I have seen on the news where a new neighborhood in Plano had bobcat issues and a woman actually saw her Yorkie get attacked by a bobcat. Umm hello, Ranger and Riley!! I know it isn't likely that a bobcat would end up in my backyard ready to eat my babies but I still don't like it. There could be a whole bobcat family out there! So from now I am on the lookout for bobcats and the dogs are not allowed outside by themselves. Am I an overprotective mommy? Yes!

So Frustrating....

Found out that we have been underpaying our taxes in Escrow to Chase. It is a long story but the end is we owe them $2500 and our mortgage is now going up $150 a month for the next 28 years!!!!!! Freaking sucks!

Just another stress to add to the pile.

What a weekend!

Friday night I got to hangout have dinner with Emily and Amy and then Jodi, Corey, Katherine, and Amanda joined us at Katherine's to hangout. We spent a lot of time reminiscing and laughing.

Saturday morning I got up early and met The Cline's to go to the Butterfly Exhibit and The Botanical Gardens. Larry, Susan, Tyler, Shari, Ron, Nana, and Okie-Nana all went. The exhibit was really cool and interesting. I didn't realize how many different types of butterflies there were. It was very humid in the conservatory but I really had fun.

Saturday evening Kyle and I went to my friend Callie's wedding. The wedding was in an adorable church that felt very cozy and her vocalist was amazing. We then we to a local country club for dinner and dancing. The only bad thing about the wedding was that I couldn't have wedding cake (only 5 more sleeps until I get to have sweets again!). It was a lot of fun hanging out with friends and dancing. Kyle had a good time also however he was disappointed in the music.

Favorite quote of the night-
Kyle: I can't believe they didn't plan one country song
Dianna: Well they are an 80s cover band so I don't think they play country.
Kyle: Damn it, George Strait had songs in the 80s.

Good point! We all got a good laugh out of that!

Here are some pics from the wedding (no one took a full length pic of us)

OMG he smiles! There is a first for everything.

The whole gang (Katherine, Emily, Jodi, Me, Corey and Kyle)- I have bad posture!



Me, Emily, and Jodi

Not too shabby

Here we are again

Still not back into the habit of posting

As you can tell by my lack of posting things have not slowed down for us lately.

My friend Jen joined 24 hour fitness so we have enjoyed going to classes and working out together (I am actually writing this really fast before we head to the gym). I haven't really seen a difference in weight (about 2 lbs and it has been between 6-8 weeks). I only go to the gym 2-3 days a week. I need to make it 3-4 but life gets in the way sometimes.

I have been doing great at no sweet and sodas for Lent and only have 11 sleeps until I can have them again. I can't wait to have a soft chewy chocolate chip cookie, a Chickfila milkshake, a brownie sundae, a cupcake, cinnamon friendship bread, and chocolate cake. As you can tell I really miss sweets. I thought I would have lost more weight between working out and no sweets but I haven't seen much of a change. So I will probably gain about 5 lbs after Easter after eating all of the above mentioned desserts. I wish I had lost more weight because it might be easier to resist sweets but instead a lack of results will probably mean I will find a way to justify eating whatever sweets I want! Oh and I can't wait to have a Dr. Pepper and Big Red.

Last Friday Kyle and I had a great time hanging out playing games with the Cline's. Saturday we went to dinner at Hoffbrau and I enjoyed an amazing peppered steak. Sunday we met my parents, Melisa, Trent, Angela, Annelise and JOHN at Texas Roadhouse in Grand Prairie. That is right we got to see John. He was passing through DFW on his way to San Angelo. It was so great to see him. I can't wait to have the whole family together and Melisa and Trent's wedding.

On Mondays Kyle and I eat and quick meal and then I leave at 6:00 to go to class at the gym. Kyle helped David with some stuff while Jen and I went to the gym. We didn't leave David's until 8 and by the time I showered it was time for bed.

Tuesday I rushed home from work to the head to Ennis for the CRHP retreat follow-up. It started and 7:00 and I said I would only stay until 8:30 so I was back home by 10:00 (which is still late for me but not too late!) Well at 10:15 I finally left Ennis and was home around 11:40. I didn't want to leave and miss anything. I love hearing all of the women's stories about life since the retreat.

I told myself I would try to make it to the meeting 1 or 2 a month instead of every Tuesday. Most of the women are from Ennis so they don't have the long drive like I do. Well last night I learned that one women is from Fort Worth and we could carpool. Then after talking further I found out she lives about 5 minutes away from me. What are the chances!! I truly believe that God wants me at CRHP and found a way to make it happen. I am looking forward to future CRHP meetings.

This weekend my college friend Callie is getting married and I will get to see a lot of my college friends. Jodi and Emily are both coming in town so it will be like a fun college reunion. I can't wait to see everyone. It has been about 6 months since seeing some of them.

Now I need to get ready for the gym. I will try to post every couple of days. It is therapeutic for me to journal!!

So much to do so little time...

I have got to get into the habit of blogging regularly, but they blocked the site at work so I don't get to blog during lunch or other downtime. Now I have to do it when I get home and I just don't make the time.

Lent started about 12 days ago and I chose to give up sweets for Lent including sodas. It has been extremely difficult. I didn't realize how much I crave sweets until I couldn't have them. I usually want something sweet after a meal so I have been chewing a lot of gum lately to curb my craving. We have a free soda machine at work and the sounds of coworkers opening their sodas makes my mouth water. I want a soda so bad. I love the very first drink when you open a can of soda and I miss that. I want a chocolate chip cookie so bad. This has proved to be a very difficult Lenten promise which is the whole point. I try to pause and remember why I did this each time I crave something sweet.

I joined 24 hour fitness about 3 weeks ago. I absolutely love taking the classes. I have now tried Pilates, Hip Hop, and 24 SET. Pilates was very difficult and I have only taken it once. I would love to take it again but the timing of the class isn't very good for me. I like hip hop and the class can be quite entertaining with some of the people in the class. The 24 set class is awesome because it is similar to a boot camp class with cardio, free weights, a bar, and a yoga mat. This is my favorite class.

When I joined the gym I also bought 3 training sessions so that I can meet with a personal trainer to help me find a workout that is best for me. Being a gymnast for so long I never really learned how to workout and what type of workout is best for me. And I love the classes but I have already found myself saying "oops I missed my class I guess I won't go to the gym" or "I don't like any of those classes, guess I won't go." I have met with the trainer once and he mapped out a cardio and weight workout for me to do. This way I have a workout besides the classes so I can't use those previous excuses. I really like the workout he has planned for me but it takes about 90 minutes to do the whole thing (I was hoping to be in and out of the gym in 60 minutes which is why I like the classes). He also told me I should workout 4 days a week. I don't know if I can meet those requirements but I will do the best I can.

I have a lot of other things going on right now-

We are still waiting to find out what the status of our jobs our when Exxon closes the deal on XTO (we should know in next 2 months or so)

We have Melisa's bridal shower in 2 weeks

I am going to a church retreat in Ennis next weekend

We have a wedding in March, Brianna's wedding in May (which I am a bridesmaid), a wedding in Houston in June, and then the next weekend is Melisa and Trent's wedding (Kyle and I are both in that wedding).

Melisa and Tiffany graduate from college, Erica and Tyler graduate from high school.

CPA studying (yuck!)

Very busy next couple of months!

Kyle and I have booked a trip to NYC in April (14th-18th). We are so excited! We plan to go to a Rangers vs Yankees game at their new stadium, go shopping in China Town, visit Little Italy, picnic in Central Park, and lots lots more. Now I need to find time to read the books about NYC and figure that all out.

I am excited about everything that is coming up. It can also be stressful, but I am trying to take it a little at a time and trying to be as organized as possible.