On Saturday July 3rd my life changed in an instant. It would never been the same. I became a mommy. I had been feeling off for a couple of days so I decided to take a pregnancy test. This is what I saw....
I was shocked and thrilled. I remember Kyle's reaction like it was yesterday. He just couldn't believe it. So we went to CVS and bought more tests to check again.
Yes he made me take 2 more tests. But there was no denying what it said. There it was in plain English. We were thrilled and it was perfect timing because we were going to get to share this with our family over 4th of July. We told my parents with a cute onesie (I don't have a picture of it) and Kyle's parents with a F-35 pool float that is the same type of plane that Kyle is assigned to as his job.
It was an amazing wonderful weekend. That excitement didn't last long as I started bleeding and miscarried my baby on July 8, 2010. I was pregnant for 18 days (almost 5 weeks for the way they medically calculate it).
I know to some it sounds silly and dramatic that my life changed and will never be the same. After all it isn't like I was 8 weeks and heard the heartbeat or 12 weeks with a baby bump or 16 weeks and learning the sex of my baby or 9 month and have to give birth to a child and then lose it. But from the moment I saw the words "pregnant" I became a mommy. I knew that I had life in me and that I would bring a child into this world. But God had a different plan for us. We would not bring a child into this world. After 18 days I was no longer a mommy. I would not get to experience all of those milestones with my baby.
I would have been 19 weeks this coming Sunday and probably already know if we were having a boy or girl.
I know that someday I will get to experience all of those milestones but I can't help but think that I wanted to experience those with that baby. The next pregnancy will not make up for the lost one. I will always miss those unexperienced milestones. I will always think of that baby and what he or she would have been like.
I look forward to the day when we see the words "pregnant" again, and we hear a heartbeat, find out the sex, and bring a baby into this world. Today however is for the baby that Kyle and I lost.
In remembrance of Baby Cline lost on July 8, 2010 and due March 14, 2011.
1 comment:
I am so sorry for your loss. July 3rd and July 4th are now important days in your heart! :)
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