Rough Morning!! (past 2 weeks)

I am an emotional wreck this morning.

I sat on my bathroom floor in tears this morning. I am so tired of being sick. I am tired of throwing up. I am tired of being tired. I feel like a zombie just trying to make it to the 12th week mark. I wanted so bad the be the girl that loved being pregnant and looked forward to having the next one. That is not me right now. I just can't help but hope that this goes away soon and the next pregnancy is completely different. The idea of possibly feeling like this for the next 4 week and during the holidays overwhelms me. I can't help but feel sorry for myself.

I wake up in the morning sick and sometimes throw up before I even get out of the house. Feel sick all day while I try to get my work done and not throw up in my trash can in my cube. I am really trying to avoid that because I am sure it would not be a pleasant sound for my many cube mates to hear. I then pray on my way home that I don't get sick in the car (though today I put towels in my car just in case). Yesterday at the grocery store Kyle had a plastic bag ready in case I was going to get sick and again dodged the bullet. I make myself eat something for dinner and then I lay in bed or on the couch sleeping or dozing off until I finally take my contacts out, wash my face, take my medicine and go to sleep. And then it starts over.

This morning Kyle tried to comfort me and I couldn't help but resent him in my head. It is easy for him to say he is sorry but man I wish he could do this part for me. I try to remind myself that I am not the first woman to feel like this and those before me all survived. I will survive. I remind myself that it will all be worth it. Looking at that sonogram picture definitely helps give me something to look forward to.

Then I got to work this morning and saw an email from a church friend of mine. Her son and daughter-in-law (DIL) have tried to get pregnant for a while but had to resort to IVF. I know the DIL also because I went through CRHP with her and we bonded over our difficulties in trying to get pregnant. They were able to conceive TWINS from IVF but it has been a very difficult pregnancy. Her body tried to reject the babies and many other complications. I found out this morning that at 25 weeks she has lost her mucus plug and her body has started to go into labor. She has been admitted to the hospital from now until the babies are born. They are going to try to slow her body down and give the babies a chance to develop some more. The goal is to make it to 28 weeks. Right now they only have a 75% survival rate and 40-50% neurological development rate. This was a huge reality check. I can't imagine the pain and worry they are all going through right now. They have prayed long and hard to be blessed with children and it has been a difficult journey. I ask you all to pray for Melanie and her twins along with her husband Corey and mother-in-law Cheri and all of the rest of their family. They have some difficult days and weeks ahead of them.

These days may be tough on me but in the end Kyle and I will be parents. We will be blessed with a beautiful baby boy or girl that we will love with all of hearts. I will pray each day for God to give me the strength to keep going. I will also pray that God continue to help our baby grow and develop to be a strong healthy baby that will arrive sometime around July 11th. I ask you to pray with me.

We are truly blessed.